I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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