so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
