i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
the liver wants what the liver wants
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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