You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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