Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
