we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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