i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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