i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
