just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
