Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize