No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
