I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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