If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
