New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
