i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
