Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
