Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
