Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
