my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
