I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
