I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
