I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
