My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
