can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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