pedialite and red bull = repair kit
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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