Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
