turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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