Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
