just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
