your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize