3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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