your parents love me but you hate me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
