If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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