Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
