I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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