There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
