I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
