My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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