Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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