i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
