eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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