Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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