suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
