Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
