You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
