I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
