I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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