My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were destined to go to rehab together
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
