While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize