don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
