she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize