this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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