She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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