Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
