Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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