this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
