I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
