please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
