The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there was a trapeze. enough said
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
