How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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