Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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