i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
