You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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