Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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