He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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