As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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