We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
