i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
