How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
