the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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