I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
